Envision your ideal birth
Most expectant parents are becoming familiar with the concept of a birth plan – a list of desires, wishes, hopes, and dreams. Doctors, nurses, and midwives are also getting used to seeing these lists too.
If you want to break the mould and try something a little different, I would suggest the following activity. Take an afternoon with your partner and sit down at the table with a bunch of magazines (even the free ones from many store news stands can work). Each of you do your own little project. Cut out pictures and words that capture what you want for your birth and parenting experience. Once you have gone through it all as seperate people, bring the two together. Talk about what captured your heart or how it got your attention. See if you are both envisioning the same birth or where there are differences. If they don’t match, how can you bring the two visions together? Where could you comprimise?
Finally, put everything you cut out together, glue it like a collage and hang it proudly somewhere you will see it every day to remind you of your goals. If you don’t want others to see it, you can make it small enough to fit in a sock drawer or even have it in your closet.
I make a yearly board that touches on many aspects of my life but I included the image of the section I had on my birth (since I made it during pregnancy).
This is a great way to connect with your partner and if you have it portable, you can even bring it to your prenatal appointment to show your health care provider your hopes – after all, a picture is worth a thousand words!
Text from the image: the whole 9 months, how one is born matters deeply, love motherhood
Relationship Limbo
Congratulations! You are expecting your first (second, third, …) child! You are in a world of change as your body grows tired, your emotions fluctuate, and your need for food but desire to cook are in a constant battle. These are just some of the common situations during pregnancy but not an exhaustive list. As pregnancy changes both our body and our emotions, we often forget that it also impacts our partners and other children. How do we grow babies and still make sure we have meaningful connections with the ones we love?
Our partners get the short end of the stick sometimes. If we don’t want to go places, don’t feel like cooking, don’t have energy to run errands, they hear about it. They also have to do all the extra work. They have a desire to celebrate the pregnancy too in their own way. Partners want to connect, share memorable moments with you and your baby. Find time where you and your partner can celebrate your baby, maybe by reading a story to your belly every night, taking pictures of your growing baby week by week, or helping you look up information. Although you are both sharing this experience of having a baby, you have to remember what came before – your relationship with your partner. Make time to be adults and have a lovely meal out (or if you have the energy, make it at home!), watch a movie on the couch together, or take up a new activity together like an art class.
When it comes to our children, they may be too young to completely understand the concept of a sibling. Read them stories about babies, visit friends with newborns or infants, or even the local early years centre. Involve them in prenatal appointments, if you can. The most important thing for them is to feel like you still have time for them. Set aside a few moments where they have your undivided attention. Play cars and trucks on the floor, a game of hide and seek (if you are at the end of your pregnancy, you may be better at seeking), or anything else your child enjoys. It doesn’t always have to be long to make them feel connected.
How do you strengthen your relationships in pregnancy?
Minimize Interventions
If you have taken childbirth education classes, watched Baby Story on TLC, or just heard stories about your girlfriend’s birth – you have heard of or seen interventions in birth. These don’t always have to be involved in birth, as routine as they may seem.
Increase your chances of staying away from these interventions with some helpful strategies:
- Good nutrition: we’ve all heard about eating for two. You don’t need to double your caloric intake to be healthy but you do need to be eating the right foods. This includes many servings of fresh fruits and vegetables, lean protein, and whole grains. It can take some creativity to put these together but if you are looking for ideas try going to your local grocery store. Some of them offer tours with a nutritionist free of charge. You can also go to your local farmer’s market and talk directly with the people who are growing your food! These foods are the building blocks of the child you are growing!
- Practice comfort positions: it is great to read a book, see pictures, or try them once in your prenatal class. For many women, birth is still something that feels like the great unknown. These positions aren’t always familiar either. It can often increase fear (which increases tension and pain) when we are adding unfamiliar to the unfamiliar. Take a few moments of your day, most days of the week and practice these with your partner. What is comfortable? What modifications work for you?
- Avoid inductions unless medically necessary: Ask about other tests to see if the baby is doing well and to find out if induction is an immediate necessity. Is your care provider suggesting an induction because they want to be there for the birth and will be going on vacation? Or is it more serious like you have pre-eclampsia there are health risks?
- Stay home as long as possible: many first time mom’s don’t feel comfortable with this suggestion. How will I know if there are complications? Trust your intuition. If you have this urge to go to a hospital (even if you are planning a homebirth) that you just can’t shake, there is probably a reason to be there. Having a doula with you during early labour can help you have a shorter labour but she can also help you recognize a good time to go to the hospital or call your midwife.
- Change positions: You did your practice homework so now is the time to use it! Get in the tub, sit on the birth ball, go for a walk, slow dance with the lights down low. This is also important for the pushing stage. Try squatting, hands and knees, side lying.
- Invite a doula: having a doula can help your confidence when things are tough. A doula is not afraid of what you are feeling and has many suggestions to help your labour progress and keep you going. She will know to offer you food and drink, make sure you go to the bathroom (which can make contractions feel worse), she can reassure your partner who is having a hard time watching you go through this work. She can also help open up the lines of communication between you and your health care team so you can have a wonderful and empowering experience.
What else would you do to minimize interventions?
Keys to a successful breastfeeding relationship
You want to breastfeed your baby. You have heard about the many benefits – everything from helping to prevent some childhood cancers, to the ease of iron absorption (the iron in breastmilk is called lactoferrin), to helping you get back in to shape sooner and reducing your risk of postpartum hemorrahge.
On the other hand, you have heard experiences from friends or other women. All the stories come out about cracked and bleeding nipples, not enough milk, being told you can’t breastfeed because of the medication you are on. You know the stories I am talking about!
How did humans survive without breastfeeding before artificial baby formulas were created? Women shared their knowledge and experience breastfeeding – not soley horror stories to make you go running for the bottle aisle. In recent years, formula has been seen as a standard food to feed babies. Even though this was the ‘norm’ for a period of time, there were still women choosing to breastfeed their babies. It was difficult because the social support and even the knowledge of our health care providers were not in place the assist the women and babies who wanted a breastfeeding relationship.
Thankfully for moms and babies (and partners too, since there are benefits for them as well!), many are leaving the hospital breastfeeding! The good news stops there though, as many babies are no longer nursing by 3 months and even fewer at 6 months.
The keys to making it work are simple:
1. Get help! Not all health care providers are trained equally when it comes to breastfeeding. Ask your health care provider how they support women who are breastfeeding. Contact groups like La Leche League to find like-minded friends when you do face challenges.
2. Learn about breastfeeding prenatally. Many women read about labour and birth for hours, attend prenatal classes, make their partners read books about birth. Then they have this baby, but don’t know how to feed it. Books like The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding or Dr Newman’s Guide to Breastfeeding can help you prepare. If they are offered in your area, take a breastfeeding class, attend La Leche League meetings, or speak to a Lactation Consultant. Knowing how to get a good latch can help prevent most breastfeeding problems.
3. Start breastfeeding within an hour of the birth. The labour and delivery room (or home, if that is your choice of birth place) is still fairly busy immediately after delivery. Health care providers are checking vitals for two people. Invite a doula to your birth and they can help you get breastfeeding started because their focus is on you, not all the clinical tasks that have to be done or the paperwork that has to get filled out. When interviewing doulas, ask them about their experience assisting breastfeeding moms.
4. Have help at home. No matter if this is your first baby or your fifth, breastfeeding for the first week takes up most of your day. Have a list of friends, family, or a postpartum doula who can help you with everything else from cooking, cleaning, to changing diapers. If you choose a postpartum doula, you can also have someone in the home who is familiar with breastfeeding and can help you overcome challenges before they turn into something else.
5. Have a plan for support. There will be days where it feels like you have done nothing but feed your baby. These feelings tend to hit for those late night/early morning feeds where all you might find on TV are infomercials. Have a list of people you can call anytime of day so you can talk. There are many changes in your life between new sleep patterns, a new life to care for, learning breastfeeding together, new relationship with your partner, and more.
Overall, be patient with yourself. This is a time for learning together with your baby. One of the great benefits is that you get to know your baby very well, but also very quickly. Breastfeeding is a gift that you have to choose to give early because later, it may be too late.
In honour of World Breastfeeding Week, I am launching a new breastfeeding support package. Professional breastfeeding help starting from before your baby is born, right through many changes, including your milk coming in (if you decided to birth in a hospital, you are usually home when this happens). Would you like more information about it? Leave a comment or e-mail me.
