Lessons from the Labyrinth
Two weeks ago, I walked the labyrinth downtown while waiting for my husband to finish work. The labyrinth is a well-known metaphor for birth in some cultures and Pam England who is the founder of the Birthing From Within philosphy and midwife recently published a book about the topic.
Labyrinths are often used in meditative practices. In most traditional versions, there is only one path, which twists and turns and in time leads you to the centre. This is a place of death and of rebirth because when you turn around to follow the path out, you are no longer the same person who entered. This is where Pam England shows us the correspondance between the labyinth and birth. In the centre, you give birth to your baby. This is the death of the life you had without a child, but it is also the beginning of a whole new chapter.
Although I walked the labyrinth with my two children, I still was able to take away a lesson. I walked, what seemed like forever to get to the centre. Some of the paths were taking me far away from what looked like my goal. Then the revelation hit, sometimes when it seems like you are far away, you are closer than you think. Of course, moments later, I was in the centre of the labyrinth. This made me think of what is commonly known as transition during labour. This is where the intensity changes, the last little bit of cervical change happens before you begin the pushing stage. Many women wonder when will this ever come to an end…but there they are so close to the finish, they just can’t see it with all the twists and turns. Like the labyrinth, all you can do is keep taking it one step at a time…or in birth, one contraction at a time.
If labyrinths sound like something you connect with, here is a fun project. Draw a labyrinth on a small stone to take with you into your birth space. Make it a finger labyrinth, where you trace the path with your finger. This is a deeply meditative process which you can use during contractions/surges/sensations. It is small, simple, and it can be given to your child as a gift after their birth or when they are old enough to appreciate it.
Why I love my wrap
My daughter just started school. She has been begging to go since the beginning of the summer. I have been taking her everyday (well it has only been 4 days so far) but we arrive as all the school buses do and the children pass us on their way inside. My son comes with us and I carry him in my wrap. This is how I survive with two children.
What amazes me is how much the children have commented on it these past few days. One little girl asked me if it was some cool t-shirt that held my baby. The parents note how easy it is to have two hands. Just last week we were walking downtown and a dad-to-be stopped me (feeling shy about it) to ask me what I thought about my wrap. Here is what I shared with him.
I LOVE it! It has been the best baby item that I have ever spent money on. It is very comfortable, distributes the weight well and I can have the baby in a variety of positions – on my front, facing in or out; in a sling; on my back too. It goes up to 35 lbs – we can still carry our 4 year old (albeit she is a little small than the average). Beyond the practicality of having two hands, it allows me to do skin to skin with my children easily. The benefits of that include regulating their body temperature, respiration rate, and blood sugar levels just to name a few. This carrier does not carry the risk of hip dysplasia (which our daughter was born with). This means that the hips are “dislocateable” but not dislocated. The structured carriers often have that risk. Plus if baby gets sleepy, I can tuck his head in so it doesn’t flop around.
My husband, who also loves our wrap (so much we now have two), added that the material is long enough that it fits everyone. We don’t need seperate carriers for each caregiver. We both wear it, grandma can wear it, and even babysitters if you wanted.
Ours came with a booklet on how to tie it as well as a DVD for those who are visual learners. Sure it takes a few more seconds to put on because you have to tie it (when you are familiar with it, it takes about 20-30 seconds) but when it means that I can feel safe holding my daughter’s hand to cross the street while I know my son is tucked up next to me, it might as well be gold.
What carrier do you have? What do you love about it?
Myth: I have midwives so I don’t need a doula
I have heard many families say these famous words. We have midwives so I don’t need to think about having a doula.
What is the difference between a doula and a midwife anyways?
A midwife is a primary health care provider. This means she takes on all the clinical tasks of checking blood pressure, doing exams, taking temperatures, ordering diagnostic tests, and all the paperwork that comes a long with it. Midwives in Ontario have spent many hours of their training observing birth, supporting women in birth, and then begin applying their clinical skills.
A doula is not medical at all. Her role is to focus on your physical, emotional, and spiritual well-being during pregnancy, birth, and the early weeks with your newborn. She will often use skills in communication, massage, acupressure, or maybe has some tools at her disposal like a rebozo or TENS unit. Doulas help you plan your birth by showing you the different routes you can take on the map but ultimately, she lets you decide where you are headed. Afterall, it is your birth!
Midwives and doulas are usually beautiful pairs because they share the same basic philosophy about birth. Birth is not a medical event and women should have choices in their birth experience.
Most recently, at a meeting I attended, a woman turned to me (not knowing I am a doula) and said that she wished she had a doula for her birth. Asking her to elaborate, she said that she really expected the midwives to do more labour support. Sometimes, they can but it isn’t a guarantee. Their primary focus is on their clinical tasks. If they don’t have any at the moment, many do like to provide support.
The doula focuses only on you. The monitors, dopplers, beeping thermometers don’t matter to her. It is your experience that matters.
But in Ontario, we get two midwives….
Yep, you are 100% right. Those two midwives take on two different clinical roles at a birth. One midwife usually attends you from active labour onwards. The second midwife will come shortly before the pushing stage because her role is to take on clinical tasks with the newborn.
Together, they can make a great team…the only way to find out is to talk to some doulas about their experience working with midwives…and of course ask your midwives their experience working with doulas.
If you have had a midwife attended birth, with or without a doula, I would love to hear your experience – leave a comment below!
Joyful Birth
We are approaching birth filled with fear. Many have shared with me their fears of pain, tearing, or feeling out of control. However, in my experiences attending births, the fears do not have to dominate the space (in reality, they shouldn’t!). There are many joyful moments in labour and birth and you can have that experience too!
How can you have a joyful birth?
It has to begin with some preparation prenatally. Connect with your baby and encourage your partner to connect too. Read books aloud to your baby, take a yoga class, go for walks and practice describing what you see (as if you had a newborn). Through this process, many women also get to know their bodies and will be able to notice when something feels right or wrong.
Surround yourself with positivity. I don’t mean to have that bubbly, always happy, ear to ear grin friend who doesn’t EVER seem to have a problem. Take time daily to either read some positive birth stories, positive birth affirmations, and reflect on them. Notice how your body feels as you read them (out loud is very powerful). If you feel stuck or uneasy as you read them, do some inner work and see where it takes you. If you want to do the work with a qualified professional, ask your doula if she can connect you with someone.
Choose to stay in your own space for the birth OR bring your space with you! If you are birthing at home, your mind will not need to adjust to a new space and feel safe. You probably already do. If you are birthing in a hospital, bring some of the comforts of home with you. I suggest a cozy bathrobe, a small statue you like, music you would typically play, pillows and/or blankets. Take anything that makes it your comfort zone, without needing to rent a U-Haul truck to get it there.
Have your doula with you. She has taken the time to get to know you prenatally and has seen many births to know different strategies to make your birth space comfortable. Doulas are very skilled at making sure that everyone feels like an important part of the team, radiating confidence in your abilities to birth your baby. She can also help you relax. It is possible to have that easy going birth where you simply ride the waves. She will help you find where you need to be for that to happen.
Rethink birth in your mind.
Grab a piece of paper now and write down everything that comes to mind when you think of BIRTH. Go!
What do you have on there? Where did these thoughts come from? Are they your own or those passed on to you from other people?
Now on the other side, write down everything you want your birth to be. What are you missing to bring you to this place?
One of my last suggestions but one that I love is SMILE! It will send tons of wonderful hormones in your body that are not only helpful for birthing but great for your mental health too. And for those who are worried about tearing, midwife Ina May Gaskin always says that she has never seen a woman with tears who was smiling as she pushed out her baby.
Wishing you a joyful birth as a beautiful beginning to parenting your child.
My empowered beginnings
September 5th was a beginning for me like I would never have imagined. My daughter (who turns 4 today) was born at 35 weeks, 4 days gestation. Up to this point, I had known the beauty of midwifery care in Ontario. All along the way, they provided me with options including the benefits and risks of each. To add to that, I was given time to go home and think about it before letting them know what I had decided. Amazing.
This day, she was born just before noon (a very easy going birth) and we had about an hour skin to skin before the pediatrician came in and said she would be going to the NICU. From that moment, we were taken on a road we couldn’t have imagined travelling. I moved into the NICU with her (they had a room for nursing moms) and I was up all day and all night feeding, pumping, and forgetting to eat, sleep or basically take care of myself.
By the next day, I was already in tears because the nurses were not giving me information about my daughter’s care. I felt alone and left in the dark as I stared at my daughter in the isolette. My midwife came by and I cried. I was frustrated that I wasn’t getting answers.
My determination kicked in before they knew it. I was reading her chart daily, ensuring I was around when the doctor came by for rounds because I wanted to hear and be a part of the plan. After all, I am her mother and no one was going to change that.
My daughter’s journey in the NICU taught me how to advocate for my children. It also taught me to seek out health care providers that I am comfortable talking to. I do not hesitate to get a second opinion, say no to proposed tests, or take time to research before I make up my mind.
She started me on the path of becoming a childbirth educator and doula so I can help other mothers advocate for their families.
My dearest Siobhan, thank you.
Bellies and Babies in Motion
Welcome to Empowered Birth Awareness Week! To celebrate, one of the many things I am doing is launching Bellies and Babies in Motion – a walking group for pregnant women (and their partners if they want). Doula “tour guides” will lead us through a 45 minute walk through beautiful High Park. You can also pick their brains along the way. The walk will conclude with a few minutes of a discussion topic (everything from nutrition, birthing positions, hypnobirthing, birth art, and more) and a variety of inspiring birth stories.
When: Sunday nights at 5pm
Where: High Park, we will meet at the information sign in front of the Black Oak Cafe (220 West Street).
It is easily accessible by High Park subway station and there is free parking across from our meeting spot.
Questions? Call Nicole at 647-501-8779.
Look forward to meeting you!
Empowered Birth Awareness Week
The first week in September is Empowered Birth Awareness Week. The goal is for everyone around the world to stop complaining about the rising intervention rates, the lack of options, people forgetting to obtain informed consent, or all the other problems we may see around birth.
This is a week to stand up and say how awesome birth is, to increase our confidence in birth, and to shout it out to the world.
What can you do?
Here are a few ideas:
- tell a pregnant friend your amazing birth experience
- write a blog post
- make a video
- wear a t-shirt that is promotes empowered birth
- have a picnic for people in your practice
- host a birth circle
I will be starting something new and exciting so you will have to follow along, either on the blog, twitter, or facebook to find out.
Share some more ideas here in the comments!
Body confidence through birth
Birth is one of those moments that we have lost in our culture. We have forgotten the power of those moments and I believe it has hurt women’s collective self-esteem and body confidence. If we go back hundreds or thousands of years, women were seen as a mysterious source of power – we are able to bear children and bleed every month and still keep going.
One of the beautiful things about birth that is creeping back into our world is the concept that our bodies are able to birth and breastfeed our babies. Doulas are surrounding birthing women all over the world and reminding them of that strength and power within. They are helping women and their partners discover the beauty that lies within the birth adventure.
How would you feel to give birth the way you see it being right for you? To know that YOU did it? YOU made it happen?
A website has been launched today, that is featuring all kinds of real and empowering videos from experts around the world in hopes that we spark a birth revolution. Here is one of those videos and I hope to link to more!
